So, I became aware that I hadn’t really posted a health update for a while. And some things have got a bit… shit, shall we say.
I’m tired, HANGRY AS FUCK and scared if I’m being brutally honest.
As of late (last Wednesday as I’m writing this (on the 4th of January) so, literally the 30th of December 2020) we were having Bubble & Squeak (aka BACON and squeak in our household) and I was really looking forward to it. And that night, I went to eat, and it really hurt. managed about 2 forkfuls before I had to stop. My left side of my jaw felt like the TMJ (temporomandibular joint) was being BLOCKED by something, like a really restrictive exercise band or a rubber band or a piece of elastic that’s super super super hard to pull to where you want it. And it still does. I can hardly eat, swallow properly (it feels like a super hard bra strap like ping or pulling elastic to its limit, yet still trying to get it to go more), I can’t open my jaw more than an INCH at most (like that’s just estimated, might even be half an inch), sometimes my glands can go hard but that’s normal for me, I’ve always suffered with it since like I was a kid, so I’m not too worried about that. Though, to the person that suggested using one of my metal bottles as a hot water bottle, you are a fucking god. Long and short, we couldn’t find any hot water bottles in the house on short notice, and I was like “what can I do?!” and they suggested that and it is a godsend. The only problem is, I have no dentist, can’t get a dentist and will probably have to go private which, I cant afford. Yey… FUCK IT. I am a poor ass bitch on benefits, that should not give money to anyone…
Back on track, concerning my back, it is in spasm more. I am NOT afraid to admit that. Like, somedays, it can just be so so so painful. Just this morning, I was left alone in bed, in so much damn pain. woke up at like 11, still in spasm, unable to take meds due to my jaw, but, I made it work. one thing every 5 minutes it felt like, and I’m on 6 meds at a time. Not fun, but, as I said, I had to make it work, or I just KNEW that I would feel so much worse without it. Then I had my complan drink of the day (I’m on that as obviously, my jaw) with my citalopram (oh yeah, im also now classed as severely clinically depressed and on the suicide watch list… its my characters of my books that should be on that) and just settled down with my phone for 5 minutes and watched The Masked Singer with my dad. I won’t give it away incase people haven’t seen it but OH MY GOOD GOD I DID NOT THINK IT WAS THAT PERSON!!!
Back on track. I am double incontinent, but, when I am ill, it gets a bit worse cause I’m constantly drinking to help the pain. And therefore, it gets worse. So I’ve been going through attends left right and centre lately! I’m used to it though. Gotta be.
The muscle wastage- It’s still going. It will always do that.
But, as I said at the start… I’m tired, fucking hangry and I’m scared.
Normally, I wouldn’t be too scared with my jaw acting up. Its happened before, but this time, with the pain I’ve been in concerning it, it has scared me. Like everything that’s happened in the past one at a time, has hit all at the same time.
Oh well… At least Complan and Weetabix tastes good. Thats a bonus.